The speed of time, according to humans

Scientists now have a pretty good idea of why time seems to move faster as we get older.

Like with everything else in our lives, it’s all a matter of perception. Specifically, how we perceive a smaller chunk of time – such as a day, month, or year – compared to the whole of our lives. When you’re 16, a year is 1/16th of the entire time we’ve been alive, which feels like an immense chunk of time. When you’re 60, however, it’s only 1/60th of the time you’ve spent alive. Though it’s the same amount of time for both people, the percentages make it feel like a vastly different amount of time by comparison.

Stated another way, a year to a 16 year old feels like 62.5 feet of a 1,000 mile journey, while for 60-year-olds it’s just under 17 feet. To an eight year old, by comparison, it’s 125 feet. In our minds, that translates to the 16-year-old feeling like the year has gone by twice as fast as it did for the eight-year-old, and for the 60-year-old it feels like it’s gone by six times as fast. Each year becomes a smaller and smaller percentage of the experiences we’ve racked up, and farther ahead we travel the blurrier our memories become of the miles we traveled when we were just starting out.

On some level, this could be seen as inherently depressing. Personally, my first thought whenever I hear this is all about hourglasses, and the endless metaphors people use of the sand running out and time slipping through our fingers.

But my second thought is always one of absolute relief, because when you have enough of something it means there are always fewer consequences to completely screwing up one of them. One bad year out of 60 is far less obvious than one bad year out of 20, and even if you rack up a couple – as many of us have – they’ll soon get lost enough in the shuffle that they’ll be harder to remember.

And even when you’re going through them, they seem more manageable the more life experience you have under your belt. When you’re young and haven’t done much living, odds are that it will be the first time you’ve run into a particular trauma. Maybe it’s the first time you’ve run into any trauma, which will inevitably make whatever it is seem like the worst thing in the world.

When you’re older, however, your standards for what trauma is and what the “worst thing in the world” is get much higher. You’ve had practice surviving, and solving problems, and even when bad things happen your toolbox for dealing with them is much bigger.

And once they’ve passed, older people have more average and good memories in their heads to help crowd out the bad ones. Even traumatic years become just a few miles of the road we’ve traveled, a relatively small portion of what usually turns out to be a pleasant, rewarding overall journey.  

So don’t feel bad when time slips away faster than it used to. That just means you’ve gone a lot farther than you once had.

High School “Fairy Godmothers, Inc.,” volume 2

Unfortunately for me, there is a good deal more of my original, “high school” version of “Fairy Godmothers, Inc’ than what I had previously posted. Because you are kind and I abandoned shame a long time ago (there was no longer any room for it in my apartment), here’s another excerpt.

000

Now that we had dealt with the dress, on to step two. I had to find out if she could dance. Since it was more important in this society for girls to be taught how to dance than how to read, I thought that I would have no problem. I had no idea how I could have still thought that, given the rest of the night. I was probably in denial.

So I asked the question, and got the answer I should have expected. She broke down sobbing (an act that she would continue on and off for the rest of the night). Then I proceeded to ask the very stupid question, “Didn’t your father teach you?” That only made her bawl harder.

When she finally calmed down, she managed to get out, “He died in a terrible cliché.”

“Don’t you mean accident?” I responded, unwilling to believe that bad writing could kill someone (though there have been cases of William Shatler’s books making people ill.)

*** Note from the author: Clearly, I meant William Shatner – yes, he also writes – and I like to tell myself it was simply a typo. If it was a genuine attempt to alter his name in some sort of parodic sense, I am embarrassed for myself.***

“No, cliché,” she barely managed to respond. “He died in a carriage accident while rushing home from his office, in the pouring rain, trying to make it home for my eighth birthday party,” she responded, which started a fresh round of tears. How does someone respond to that?

***It wasn’t until college, at least, that I realized how inelegant it was to use the same word so close together. Three times in one paragraph, though, is a little much even for high school me.***

***Though I have to admit, I do love the cliché line. I may have to figure out a way to use it later.***

Friday Chat: Lehua Parker, author of "One Shark, No Swim."

Lehua Parker

Today we welcome Lehua Parker, author of the exciting Niuhi Shark Saga. The latest book in the series, “One Shark, No Swim,” continues the adventures of a young man named Zader and his mysterious connection to the water. Lehua sits down with me to talk about her new book, which is out now.

How is Zader different than the last time we saw him in One Boy, No Water, the first book in the Niuhi Shark Saga?

After his experience standing in seawater during the fight and after what he sees when Leia dives into the ocean at the end of One Boy, No Water, Zader begins to question things he always took for granted. He begins to test Uncle Kahana, and when Uncle Kahana isn’t forthcoming, Zader starts to hide things he’s feeling and doing. In One Shark, No Swim Zader is restless, more aggressive, and hungry like a shark.

Have you found it’s easier or more challenging to get deeper into the series? Why?

In my head, the whole series is one long story. Book 1 introduced all the characters and explained how things began. Now that the readers are on board, we’re paddling out into the deep water of how things change. It’s a lot more fun to write.

Do you feel any differently about Zader’s world now that you’ve had more experience with it? Have you discovered more about it?

 Zader’s world is part of a larger writing universe I think of as Lauele Town. There are other stories about characters we’ve met in the Niuhi Shark Saga that I’d like to write one day. Most of them are not for MG/YA readers. When I write a novel, I have the major beats in my head, but nothing remotely like a detailed outline. At the computer I think, “Okay. In this next scene Zader needs to meet his art teacher. What’s he doing?” And like magic I see the scene unfold with Zader walking up to the beach pavilion where Char Siu and some girls are mimicking the newest dance craze. And then Zader says he hates K-Pop. Those kinds of discoveries keep me writing.

What are the challenges of writing for a MG/YA audience?

Through the series I’ve realized that for my audience a lot of the tension and conflict that I felt was in the story wasn’t on the page yet. Middle grade readers are just beginning to understand symbolism, metaphor, and allegory. They don’t make connections between things that older, more experienced readers do. I’ve learned to write in neon and hold up big signs saying, “Pay attention to this. You may be quizzed on it later.”

The new book, One Shark, No Swim, has less Hawaiian Pidgin English in it than the first edition of One Boy, No Water, which is also being released in a second edition with less Pidgin. How did that decision come about? 

There were a couple of assumptions in my marketing plan that didn’t work out the way I planned.

I had the idea that the series would gain readers in Hawaii first, then move across the Pacific to California, Nevada, Washington, Utah—places where a lot of ex-pat islanders live. If I lived in Hawaii or had gone with an islander publisher, this probably would’ve been the way it worked. But living in Utah with a publisher based in Utah as well, it was tough to get books on Hawaiian bookstore shelves. With middle grade readers and their parents it’s all about being able to pick up a book before buying it. I learned eBook services aren’t the best distribution system for an audience without smart phones, iPads, or Kindles yet.

When I first conceived of the series, I wanted to write books that I would’ve loved as a kid growing up in Hawaii. In literature, there are almost no characters that looked, talked, and acted like the people I knew. I also wanted to write something that would appeal to island boys who didn’t like reading. I chose to write a lot of the dialogue in a kind of Pidgin-lite thinking non-native speakers could still follow the action and that islanders would automatically switch Anglicized words to their proper Pidgin ones.

Adult readers have no problem getting into the Pidgin groove. New or reluctant readers—the very audience I was aiming for—struggle with what looks like broken English to them. Mainland schools throw their hands up. They like it, but don’t know what to do with it. So I basically had a series written using unconventional language for an audience that didn’t read books and a distribution system that couldn’t get it in their hands—even if they decided to look.

Something had to change.

That’s when I realized the series needed a Pidgin-ectomy and wrote One Shark, No Swim with far less Pidgin and Hawaiian words. It needed to appeal to readers who liked to read first and island kids second. When I was writing One Shark, No Swim I approached  Jolly Fish Press with the idea of doing a second edition of One Boy, No Water. When JFP inked a new distribution deal with IPG, they came back and said the time was right. Since all of their titles would have to be re-formatted, it made sense to do the second edition now.

What’s next for Zader and his ‘ohana?

In book 3, tentatively titled One Fight, No Fist, Zader’s human world begins to collapse. He meets his sister and biological mother and begins to understand what’s at risk and why he was hidden with his adopted family. Readers will get to know the Niuhi side of the story.

If you could say one thing to everyone who picks up one of the books in the Niuhi Shark Saga, what would it be?

Thank you! Mahalo for picking it up. Between the covers you’ll find adventure, a loving and supportive family, danger, excitement, and all the trials and tribulations of growing up different. You’ll meet Zader, a boy who’s allergic to water, see how islanders live, and maybe take a little piece of Hawaii home with you.

Lehua Parker’s Biography

Lehua Parker is originally from Hawaii and a graduate of The Kamehameha Schools and Brigham Young University. In addition to writing award-winning short fiction, poetry, and plays, she is the author of the Pacific literature MG/YA series the Niuhi Shark Saga published by Jolly Fish Press. One Boy, No Water and One Shark, No Swim are available now. Book 3, One Fight, No Fist will be published in 2014.

So far Lehua has been a live television director, a school teacher, a courseware manager, an instructional designer, a sports coach, a theater critic, a SCUBA instructor, a playwright, a web designer, a book editor, a mother, and a wife. She currently lives in Utah with her husband, two children, three cats, two dogs, six horses, and assorted chickens. During the snowy Utah winters she dreams about the beach.

Connect with Lehua Parker

Blog & Free Short Stories: http://www.lehuaparker.com/

All things Niuhi Shark Saga: http://www.niuhisharksaga.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LehuaParker

Twitter: @LehuaParker

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6426317.Lehua_Parker

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/lehuaparker/

Email: AuntyLehua@LehuaParker.com

One Boy, No Water

11 year old Alexander Kaonakai Westin—Zader for short—is allergic to water. One drop on his skin sears like white-hot lava. Too bad a lifetime of carrying an umbrella and staying away from the beach isn’t the answer, especially when his popular almost twin brother Jay looks destined to become the next Hawaiian surfing sensation.

But avoiding water is just the tip of Zader’s troubles. Eating raw seafood and rare meat gives him strange dreams about a young girl in a red cape and nightmares about a man with too many teeth. There’s also the school bullies who want to make Zader their personal punching bag, the pressure of getting into Ridgemont Academy, and the mysterious yearly presents from his birth family that nobody talks about.

It’s enough to drive Zader crazy, especially when he suspects old Uncle Kahana and ‘Ilima know a secret that explains his unusual biological quirks. After all, they were the ones who found him newborn and abandoned on a reef and brought him to the Westins to adopt. Uncle Kahana swears Zader is ‘ohana—family—by blood as well as adoption.  Too bad he’s not saying more.

When Jay quits surfing after a shark scare, Zader decides it’s time to stop hiding in the shadows and start searching for answers.

Growing up adopted in Hawai‘i just got a little weirder.

One Boy, No Water               

Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/One-Boy-Water-Lehua-Parker/dp/0984880127/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379789539&sr=8-1&keywords=lehua+parker

Barnes & Noble

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/one-boy-no-water-lehua-parker/1112184898?ean=9780984880171

Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15713351-one-boy-no-water?from_search=true

One Shark, No Swim

There’s something bugging adopted Zader Westin, something more troubling than his water allergies where one drop on his skin burns like hot lava. It’s bigger than his new obsession with knives, designing the new murals for the pavilion with Mr. Halpert, or dealing with Char Siu’s Lauele Girlz scotch tape makeover. Zader can’t stop thinking about a dream, the dream that might not have been a dream where Lē‘ia called him brother then jumped into the ocean and turned into a shark.

Zader’s got a lot of questions, not the least being why he’s hungry all the time, restless at night, and why he feels a constant itch on the back of his neck. It’s making him feel like teri chicken on a pūpū platter, but Zader doesn’t want to think about chicken, not with his growing compulsion to slip it down his throat—raw.

With Jay busy at surf camp and Uncle Kahana pretending nothing’s happening, Zader’s left alone to figure things out, including why someone—something—is stalking him before it’s too late.

Summer in Lauele Town, Hawaii just got a little more interesting.

One Shark, No Swim:           

Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/One-Shark-Swim-Lehua-Parker/dp/1939967104/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379752439&sr=8-1&keywords=one+shark+no+swim 

Barnes & Noble

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/one-shark-no-swim-lehua-parker/1114940697?ean=9781939967107

Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18114896-one-shark-no-swim

Getting to Know You: Ned, the Fairy Godfather-in-training (played by Logan Lerman)

This questionnaire is for Ned – Fairy Godmothers, Inc. intern, Kate’s best friend, and a man who’s better with a happily-ever-after than he thinks he is  As always, I stuck to the same questions for the sake of fairness (which I borrowed from http://www.humorthatworks.com/how-to/50-questions-to-get-to-know-someone/).

*Minor spoilers*

What was your favorite food when you were a child?

Milk. My dad was a shoemaker, so he mostly left the family’s supply out for the helper elves. It was a real treat whenever we got some for ourselves.

What is one of your favorite quotes?

Make sure the lion doesn't find eating you easier than paying his debt. – the Wise Mouse

What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

Reading. I am a complete nerd, and I accept this about myself.

What chore do you absolutely hate doing?

Anything to do with company files. Fairy Godmothers, Inc. could go to a paperless office – the mirrors are all networked into the main system – but they keep the files so they can have something heavy to torture interns with.

What is your favorite form of exercise?

All interns are required to go running for 20 minutes a day, so the company won’t get held liable if we’re chased by something carnivorous before we’re a full employee. I don’t know if I really enjoy it, but I was surprised to find out that I’m pretty good at it.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?

The weekends. It’s the only time of the week when Bubbles doesn't know or care where I am.

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?

The official company transport doors. I've been practicing and practicing with them, but I still can’t quite get the aim right.

What is your favorite body part?

Whoever wrote these questions was completely running out of ideas by this point, weren't they?

What sound do you love?              

Rellie’s laugh. Kate looks at me funny every time I say that, but it’s true.

(Note from Jenniffer: Rellie has a laugh that… well, the most polite way to put it is that it tends to make small forest creatures scatter. When we try to explain this to Ned, he gets this look on his face like he we’re speaking in a foreign language.)

Getting to Know You: Jon Charming, Kate’s happily-ever-after (played by James Wolk)

Next up is Jon, Kate’s Prince Charming and the leading man from “Fairy Godmothers, Inc.” I thought it was only fair that I give him the same getting-to-know-you questions as Kate (which I borrowed from http://www.humorthatworks.com/how-to/50-questions-to-get-to-know-someone/).

*Minor spoilers*

What was your favorite food when you were a child?

Whatever I could fit in my pockets that wouldn’t melt. Rupert and I would sneak down to the kitchen in the middle of the night, and while he was playing with the cake I’d fill my pockets with crackers and nuts and go off walking through the city. When I came back, I’d wake up Rupert, help him wipe off the icing, and we’d both go back to bed.

What is one of your favorite quotes?

“Take the weekend off. I promise we can manage two disaster-free days without you.” – No one’s ever actually said this to me, but I’d love to hear it.

What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

Arguing domestic policy. Yes, Lawton mocks me endlessly for it, but it’s the only time I can get people to listen to me without having to sign their paychecks.

What chore do you absolutely hate doing?

Trying to understand my mother. It gives me a headache faster than anything else.

What is your favorite form of exercise?

I never have enough free time to figure out the answer to this question. There’s also supposedly these magical things called “hobbies,” but I’ve never actually seen them for myself.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?

Mornings. If I time it right, I get a solid hour or two of uninterrupted quiet time before Rupert and my parents wake up. Once that happens, the rest of the day is usually devoted to putting out the small disasters caused by their day-to-day existence.

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?

A visiting dignitary once insisted on having his personal sorcerer magically teleport me to a meeting location. Unfortunately, he explained the magical theory behind it first, and spent five terrifying minutes wondering if I was going to show up at my destination with my head on backwards.

What is your favorite body part?

Why would I have a favorite body part on my own body? I have several favorites among Kate’s body parts, but that is definitely not something I’m going to go into detail about on the Internet.

What sound do you love?              

Kate’s voice. 

Flash Fiction:The League of Evil Advisors

And here’s a flashback from Jon, our dear Fairy Godmother’s own prince charming (literally – his last name is Charming).

The League of Evil Advisors

By Jenniffer Wardell

Ten-year-old Prince Rupert insisted their tutor was evil, based solely on the man’s thin, twirling mustache. His younger brother Jon told him not to be an idiot – a certain type of facial hair doesn’t mean someone’s a bad guy.

Of course, it also doesn’t mean he isn’t. 

000

“Pssst.”

Jon turned at the sound, which he hadn’t known anyone actually made in real life. He saw his and Rupert’s tutor standing in a shadowed corner, urging Jon closer. “Your Highness,” the man whispered. “I need to talk to you.”

Sighing, Jon walked toward him. Being a sensible boy, he stopped just out of arms reach.

After making sure no one was around to overhear, the tutor whispered, “Have you ever heard of the League of Evil Advisors?” When the young prince shook his head, the man smiled. “Good. We’re a super-secret brotherhood, and it would be unfortunate if word got around.” He handed Jon a card with the League’s name printed on it in fancy gold script. “I’m here to offer you an official invitation to join.”

Jon studied the card. It didn’t seem terribly secret. “I’m only eight.”

“Yes, but you’re the intelligent younger brother of a moron who’s one day going to be running the country you deserve.” The tutor shook his head. Jon suspected he was remembering Rupert’s last homework assignment. “You’re perfect.”

Jon thought about all the evil advisors he’d heard of. His grandmother had kept one for awhile, but that was before Jon had been born. According to her, she’d had to execute the man when he’d tried to assassinate her. “Would I have to kill people?”

The tutor seemed surprised at the question. “Well, that’s normally how it’s done, but I suppose it’s not a requirement. The details would really be left up to you.”

Jon tried to picture overthrowing Rupert. It wouldn’t be all that hard, and if he imprisoned Rupert in a party he didn’t think his brother would really even mind.

But if Jon was king, then he’d have to go to all the other parties. His mother always forced him to wear shiny clothes that made his neck itch.

He shook his head, handing the tutor back the card. “No thank you.”

“But… you’d be perfect! It’s your destiny!”

Jon sighed again. His mother often got like this, but he’d hoped she was the only one. “You know, people who are part of secret leagues really shouldn’t shout like that.” 

Then he walked away, leaving his tutor staring after him.

"Fairy Godmothers, Inc." flash fiction: "Petalphobia"



Thanks, Wikipedia!

One of the defining traits of being a geek is the need to know all the little facts and stories that don’t make it into the movie, novel or comic series. I’m a super geek, which means I can’t stop the need even when it comes to my own novel. So I’m collecting here all the super-short stories (flash fiction, I believe their called) and other little bits that emerged when I wanted to explore more of my world than could successfully fit in a novel. This first bit is a memory from Kate’s childhood, and came of me wondering what it might be like to actually be related to classic fairies.

Petalphobia

Kate was 12 before she met any of her full-blooded fairy relatives. A distant cousin was graduating from flight school, and his parents had apparently invited everyone who might be at all willing to give their son a present. Her own parents, surprisingly, had decided to go.

The obsession they’d all had with plant life was disconcerting, to say the least. The students had worn magically-enlarged helicopter seeds on their heads instead of mortarboards (this was fairy flight school, after all), and everyone had insisted on at least one major piece of floral wardrobe. One woman had an entire skirt made out of petals, making her look like an enormous peony who had gotten lost and wandered into the event.

Later, Kate discovered that this woman was her great-aunt Peony. “What a remarkably … uncolorful child,” she had said, bending over close enough that Kate was choking on the petal skirt. Her parents didn’t seem to notice, so Kate took matters into her own hands and fought her way free. The skirt, which hadn’t been magically protected, ripped as easily as any normal plant life would.

Kate fell backwards, staring up at the now horrified-looking old woman. Her wings hurt, she hadn’t had anything to eat but candied petals for two full hours, and no one was around to yell at her. “Your skirt looks like a goat’s been chewing on it,” she told her great-aunt, not feeling guilty in the slightest.

Thankfully, the more flowered-covered relatives ignored her for the rest of the evening. For the next six months, though, Kate couldn’t help but feel nervous every time she got near a peony.

A kid in a grown-up’s body

I don’t think I ever really grew up.

Honestly, who would want to? True, it’s always fun to be able to stay up late, and at first glance the toys of adulthood seem far cooler – speeding along an open road in a real car beats Hot Wheels every time. But when you’re an adult you also have to pay for all your toys, and the sheen of a good imagination is always going to make something more impressive than my bank account could match.

And oh, man, there are some cool kids toys that no longer fit my arm. I saw a little girl with a set of claws that actually had a sword attached. While I restrained myself from asking if I could play with it – like I said, it no longer fit my arm – I really, really wanted to.

Which is why I’m pretty sure I haven’t managed the whole “grown up” thing yet. I hold down a job, yes, but that’s really no scarier than school used to be. And I pay bills, but I was also pretty good at turning in my homework. In exchange I still get to happily go to kids movies without worrying about stealing a child for cover, read comic books without trying to argue that they have socio-political subtext, and take advantage of any and all swings I come across.

Sometimes, there’s even someone on the swing next to me. There are fewer grown-ups out there than most people realize.