Google, the obsessive boyfriend

I’m starting to think that Google is like that classic overly-controlling boyfriend, the one that starts out knowing exactly what you want and need because he spends hours scrolling through all your Facebook and Twitter posts. He’s always there with exactly what you want, exactly when you need it – the weather for the week, movie times, whether you could find those gorgeous shoes somewhere else for a better price – and you start letting yourself trust him. Letting him do everything for you he wants to until he becomes a huge part of your life. Yahoo Search was a youthful fling, and we all know what a disaster Bing was, but Google … he just seems so perfect.

Then, of course, the trouble starts. First, he starts watching your searches, keeping a record of all the details and saying it’s all for you. He just wants to remember what you like, so he can help you even more than he is now. Then he gets jealous of Facebook – you should be on his social network, the one he made just for you, even if no one else is. You guys talk about shopping so much – why not have him to the shopping for you? He’s got a money account, just like this PayPal thing you always go to. You should be trusting *him* with your account information, not this other guy. It’s not like he doesn’t already have every single other piece of information you own.

Of course, the other option is Bing. So … I’m in trouble.