Friday, September 21, 2012

So You Want to Rule the World: Introduction

So You Want to Rule the World
(or maybe just downtown Manhattan)

- A handbook for supervillains

By Jenniffer Wardell


Everyone who has gone through high school knows that, while that point in the educational system is very focused on future career opportunities, there are certain vocations that counselors just aren't willing to cover. Injuring yourself in viral videos, for one thing, or becoming one of those poor costumed creatures you see on street corners.

One of the most ignored professions, however, is that of the supervillain. No class offers the barest hint of instruction to ease a student's way into this well-established but generally unrewarding field. Even counselors are unwilling to mention this field to students when they are trying out various career fields. Whether this is done out of ignorance or outright malice is uncertain, but either way it keeps precious new blood out of the field and causes the profession to stagnate.

The educational system, however, is not the only one to blame for this lack of awareness. No one seems to be willing to guide young supervillains through the challenges and unexpected pitfalls that come with the business, or continue to educate established villains that their skills might remain fresh.

So here it is, the complete guide to being the best supervillain you can possibly be. Whether you are trying to perform your crimes despite the harassment of a fully licensed superhero or a karate master who works as a fry cook in between bouts of rampant heroism, these ideas may actually help you win (or at least look less pathetic as you lose).

Note: For the purposes of this book, the term villain and supervillain will be interchangeable. Technically, there are several differences between the two, with a certain higher scope of evil generally being attributed to supervillains, as well as a tragic fondness for unfortunately-colored spandex. But the strict use of the word supervillain might be somewhat off-putting to certain suit-wearing evil individuals who have as much potential for a grand power play as their more gaily costumed brethren (also, I fear their lawyers). Besides, the word villain doesn't take as long to type.

Next up: Setting Goals, or Small is the New Big

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