Thursday, May 23, 2013
A few new Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rules
Anyone who's read "Fairy Godmothers, Inc." knows the company's #1 rule. Here now are rules 2-11, presented to make sure you don't commit a faux pas that will cause Bubbles to chase after you with something sharp. Those of you who follow me on Tumblr (http://jennifferwardell.tumblr.com) will have seen a few of them, but the rest are brand new.
From the Fairy Godmothers, Inc. manual:
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #2: True Love™ should be used whenever possible. Romance is inefficient, and anyone watching won’t be able to tell the difference.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #3: If a client starts mentioning words like “personal fulfillment,” distract them with more jewelry or other related accessories. Personal fulfillment is not included in our options package.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #4: Contracts aren’t completed until a wedding date is set. As long as the client is one of the people at the altar, any other substitutions not explicitly barred by the contract are acceptable.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #5: Due to budget cuts, all transformation spells will now end at midnight. When warning clients of this, you are not allowed to explain the reason.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #6: Sharing information on anything trademarked by Fairy Godmothers, Inc. will result in the employee immediately being fed to the nearest dragon. If that dragon is abstaining from sentient life forms, the second-nearest dragon will be used.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #7: Employees will be issued one wand, and one wand only, upon hiring. Replacement costs will be deducted from your paycheck.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #8: Clients must pass a gracefulness test before receiving glass slippers. Bloody feet equals bad PR.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #9: Employees without wings must wear fakes. We’re not “Normal Godmothers, Inc.”
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #10: Never be better looking than the client. We don’t want the prince or princess rethinking their decision until after we’ve been paid.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc. rule #11: Creativity is strongly discouraged. People pay for familiar clichés that will make onlookers jealous, and that is what we deliver.